Patronize Much? – 3/19/13

There is a plethora of advice on the Internet for wannabe authors hoping to find a literary agent or publisher. A lot of great advice for writing query letters and synopses is out there, but the bottom line of every advice page is you have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting published.
Anyone who has gone the route of trying to find an agent knows the true meaning of rejection with a capital R. I would guess there are more than a few authors (probably some very good ones) who have given up due to the ego annihilating experience.
I would personally like to thank the agents whose form letters state that my book is not what they are currently looking for, but encourage me to keep trying to find a niche.
I would like to smack the few that condescendingly inform me how competitive the literary world is and how an author must grab the attention of the reader immediately and keep them enthralled with every word. (Tell me something I don’t #%$&ing know!!!)
I received one form rejection letter that was three paragraphs long and contained six words I am certain came straight out of “The Thinker’s Thesaurus.” Give me a break! It was obvious that this letter was intended to make the author feel inferior and undeserving. I can only deduce it was written by an insanely miserable ass who’s goal in life is to bring the rest of the world down with them.
Here is my advice for literary agents: (not that any want it or will ever read this.)
1. keep your rejection short and sweet unless you actually read the chapters and have some personal constructive criticism.
2. Throw us a bone. Remind us how wide and varied literary tastes are. There is an audience for everything.
3. Do NOT inform us how competitive the literary world is. We know we have a better chance of winning Power Ball than getting published. The last thing our already abused confidence needs is you reminding us.
Boy, that felt good!!

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